Friday, January 4, 2008

From the People Who Brought You Rock Band, Try "Marching Band"

Quick to the yellow pages, I've become addicted to Guitar Hero.

I've got blisters on me fingers!

I know what you're thinking, is it 2005? Well no, it's not but I have a long history of arriving to fads a bit late. I'm still wearing slap bracelets and parachute pants. I drink Tab while listening to cassette tapes. I use my Ronco Spray-on hair while watching the Chevy Chase Show.

Haha, that one's a joke. We know that nothing Ronco sells has gone out of style. I can rotisserie a mean fish that I caught with my pocket fisherman and gutted with my ginzu knife.

Life would be great if you could order things from 1986.

Anyways, back to Guitar Hero. I can push those buttons like a dream. It's amazing how 40 years of legendary songs are condensed into something you can play in five buttons rather than something crazy, like six strings. I can really jam out to those lines on a screen. Buttons and lines, buttons and lines! It's pure science. I can't sleep anymore because I'm picturing lines on a screen set to music made famous by Foghat.

Are there psychologists that can get the music and screen animations out of my head? I don't even know if the friendly neighborhood crack dealers can help at this point.

If I'm not cured by tomorrow maybe a home-style lobotomy can get the tunes of Poison, Foghat and Pat Benatar out of my head.

Do they still make yellow pages?

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